My one year

My first year, to be exact.

July 13th, marked my first year since the day I arrived and moved all my things plus myself to Toronto. Since then, it's been quite a transition period, adjusting to the new enviroment, people, community, life, weather, etc. I haven't fully grasped the kind of commitment that I made when I decided to pack my things and move. I only saw the bright side of things and hoped for the best. When things got bad in the first couple of months since I moved, I had a big struggle going on inside me, waging war against the temptation to move back to LA. Why did I move? What did I leave behind? What have I done? But it was easy to pull myself back together and realize that the next morning always brought on another day to face whatever it was that came my way. It's really weird to say that for all this time since last July, it's felt like a long vacation mode and now I'm back to facing reality. I'm allowing myself to see the kind of commitment I have made and giving myself more credit than I felt like I deserved. When I first told people, mainly new people I've met here, where I'm from, what brought me here and the such; it was easy to explain and be happy with my decision. But looking in hindsight, I'm realizing that the responses were almost always the same. "Why did you leave sunny California? Have you experienced a Canadian winter? R. is a lucky man." And now I'm seeing why their responses were almost always the same. The weather here is always changing. One day the weather is beautiful and its beaming with the summer sun. But the next day brings on gloomy clouds and showers, sometimes followed by thunderstorms throughout the night. Then there is the winter that is LONG and when I mean long, I don't mean a couple of months but from Dec all the way to April, there is snow, everywhere. If my weather network app is not on my phone, I will never know how to dress or what kind of weather to anticipate as I exit my house to embrace the day. The summer, though, has brought on a new light in my house and my life. The way the natural lighting hits the walls of my house through the sky lights has really got me into good moods. But when the sun is out and the day doesn't end til 9-10pm, you really don't want to stay within the 4 walls of your house. You want to be out and roaming in the grass doing whatever it is to smell the summer breeze. And, drinking on the patio with a pair of sunglasses on is definitely something I've come to fully appreciate in all its glory. It's amazing to see how many people reside in such a small city such as Toronto. I mean, everyone is out either walking or riding their bikes in the summer. I didn't understand R. when he would say that to me during the harshest of winters but now, I have seen and now have come to believe for myself. I don't know what it is about today that's spurred me into this realization and has got me thinking about all the things I've left behind, the people, weather and surroundings. I guess, it's like you don't realize what you have until you don't have it any longer. I've definitely taken for granted the fabulous weather in LA and am nostalgic about my time spent with family and friends. I miss their presence, laughing, eating and drinking with them. Sharing a korean bbq grill amongst my loved ones. Driving the streets of LA with the windows down and facing the horrendous traffic. Things I'm sure my friends and family in LA have found to become a normality. I mean I could be living in Honduras and have the same complaints, I'm basing on my own assumptions. But, today, I'm very nostalgic and having a moment to think back about life back in California. Will I ever move back? I mean, even if I do end up going back, I wonder if I'll have the same memories as I've had since I've left them. I'm sure things have changed even within the past year that I've been gone. I know for sure, people change. Who they once were are no longer who they are now. And something happens to people as they grow older and wiser, they lose a bit of their innocence and trust in the goodness of humanity. Or maybe I'm just speaking to myself, ABOUT myself. haha. Whatever it is, I'm sure that everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be and everything is within the spectrum of the Father's will. And no matter how much I try to rationalize life, circumstances and situations, I know in the end all and be all, all I can say is, God speed.