updates

today reality hit me.

why hasn't the skeletons in my closet and the bones that lie dormant in my everyday life lie dormant? why must they come to haunt me time and time again. today, I got a call from the nursing home that I placed my grandma and sick uncles at. as much as I hate to admit the hatred I have towards the whole situation, I can't help but to lament the death of the care I once held. now, with the help of outside resources and my inner strength, I can stand here and lie my foot down as an adult to the ones who were supposed to remain the adults in my life. but somehow, how have the roles of children to adults been reversed? how have I grown into this kind of a woman? the kind who remains unmoved and unfaltering towards the ones that I love the most? its that kind of a relationship that I have with the ones that I love? my old self remains somewhere deep inside of me. my insecurities of wanting to be remembered and the old self of who I once was as a strong independent and capable little girl surviving a big world all on her own in the big city of la has now become a dignified adult. I do believe inside of me that I have become a mature and no non-sense person. logic has outweighed my reasoning and everything needs to make sense. I have to give credit to my current influences. those who have achieved way more than I could in my lifetime, who teach me without reason how to reason. they teach me the depth of how a mind can delve into knowledge and how far knowledge can lead you to greater things. but above it all, my baby brother whom I love so dearly and the one who I highly respect has risen to such high ground. he's proven himself more capable than high. who holds his head up high and holds his ground. he has taught me more about myself than I thought otherwise.

i'm thankful for the roads that are leading me to higher grounds, to the successes and failures that lie ahead. i'm grateful for it all.

i'm letting go of control over situations that I have no control over.

#growingpains